Or, more accurately, I can talk, but not to good effect. When the issue at hand is contentious, my talking has the absolute opposite effect of what I intended. Instead of keeping calm, modulating voice to sound like a sane person, I gnash my teeth, my cheeks puff out, my eyes tear up and I sound like someone at the edge of a mental breakdown.
Bye Bye, effectiveness.
Typically, this lack of effectiveness wouldn’t matter. I get this way only on matters that I am emotionally invested in, and I manage pretty well in office on client calls and keep quiet on everything else. I am pretty much a nobody and it is not as if I can do anything about what others think of me on matters more personal, and most of the time I am too preoccupied to think of what others think of me or the stuff that matter to me.
(Yep! A typical introvert. That is me.)
However, now, it no longer works. For the past few years, I have been having more and more arguments with people around me—immediate family, extended cousins, friends—about what is happening around the country (and outside it) among other things, and I find myself at a loss as to how to put my point across. Most of the time a discussion ends in my walk out and my parents, or uncles or whoever, deciding that I am too emotional or naïve and whatever I say isn’t of much value when taken together with what they know of the matter.
As I said, bye, bye effectiveness.
Again, this shouldn’t matter if I didn’t think that what I have to say is important. As you do, I suppose. 😉 I see my country falling more and more into divisive ideologies, into violently expressed and actively lived exceptionalism leading to an ostrich-like evasiveness with respect to bloodshed and oppression and at times, actual promotion of it, and I can’t stay quiet. If my words could make a difference, make one person reflect on their own beliefs and values and at least consider a less exceptional and more inclusive outlook towards their fellows, then I have to speak up.
That is why I am here, writing. That, and because my annoying sister has been asking me every two days, if I have started writing. At its worst, nobody would read what I write. Even so, writing would still help me clarify my thoughts and finetune my philosophies; help me with my studies. And, if and when I want to debate a point, I could always point to this place and ask people to read it instead of trembling and gnashing my teeth trying to voice a counterpoint.
I mean, think of my health. Stress levels would be reduced.
Naturally, it’d be for the readers, if any, to decide, if it actually matters or not. May be, it’d not. There are enough blogs and posts and words and letters and podcasts and videos floating around, many of excellent value, that one more voice speaking up is not needed.
My voice or post would be a mere drop in the stream.
On the other hand, adding one more drop to the stream of inclusiveness can’t hurt. The people who argue for purity, exclusion and clannishness do have entire channels at their disposal. If this post even acts just as a vote against that school of thought, I’d be happy.
So, here we are.
At Nukkad, where I will wax eloquent, or may be not so eloquent, on stuff that matters to me. Whether it matters to you is up to you. I hope it does.
Read on (or more accurately, subscribe) and find out.
I can't talk...
Go on Aparna. Don't stop speaking. It is important. In community living, democratic setups, voices are important irrespective of sides they take.